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It’s funny how everything happens for a reason, and timing can be so incredibly ironic. I’ve been fighting a cold since Sunday, and today I finally decided to give up on the natural remedies and go see a doctor. I’ve been completely useless at work, and since my boss has decided to “restructure”, I figured this is a pretty bad time for him to see me wandering around the building like a zombie looking for somewhere to throw up. I threw in the towel last night, took a NyQuil, pumped, and asked the hubby to feed Baby Boy some formula. And then I threw away the milk.

 

Seriously, only a breastfeeding mom can really understand what it took to throw that little bag in the trash. Especially with an infant that eats nearly twice what I’m already producing, throwing away milk just feels wrong. Unfortunately, I’m now on all sorts of drugs that Baby Boy probably shouldn’t be taking by proxy, so I’ll pump and dump again tomorrow….and the next day…and a few more days. Ouch.

Because of my symptoms, the doc (reluctantly) put me on an oral steroid, which, although making it possible for me to swallow and breathe through my nose, is also very likely working hard to dry up my milk. That coupled with the fact that it’s really hard to find time to pump when you’re actually with your baby (anyone who can successfully bottle feed a baby while pumping should be given 3 Olympic gold medals and a million dollars, no questions asked) is making me worry that when this cold is done, I may not be able to breastfeed anymore. So ironic that no sooner did I start debating when to wean Baby Boy, the choice might be made for me. I’m not sure if this is a sign to give in, or if this is a challenge I’m supposed to overcome — I really did want to breastfeed a little longer, but only about 4-6 weeks. I don’t know if I should give in and be relieved that the choice is out of my hands, or fight for those last few weeks and do everything I can to keep producing. 

Also a factor — Baby Boy has started teething. He has one cute little tooth just barely through his gumline, and another one that seems like it’s almost ready to poke through in the front. Not to be graphic, but….

the thought of having to go through all the work of breastfeeding while trying to figure out how to make my baby realize that my nipples are not teething rings is pretty daunting. Of course, that might put the 4-6 week timeline in the perfect spot, where the teeth are really starting to come in enough to hurt. Can you tell I’m completely at war with myself over this?

Questions for the day: When did mommy shaming become such a ridiculous and popular thing to do? While looking through memes today, I found a surprisingly large amount of memes meant to shame women who don’t breastfeed, or who aren’t comfortable breastfeeding in public. Breastfeeding is such a difficult (but super rewarding!) thing, why do we feel the need as moms to make other moms feel terrible about their choices?